I have been knee deep in books and notes and class scheduling and have been thankful for it. The work of full-time study has occupied my mind and also reconstituted my purpose. Of course we need purpose in this life.
I managed to write a lot during the holiday break. In most of the work is the absence of fire (finally, after weeks of writing about it) but also the pronounced inclusion of pop culture and other obsessions like opera, the chisme of emails detailing an affair with a university president, and recounting my previous love lives. I also solidified the subjects I’ll be focused on for this semester of research. They are:
The literary and theoretical landscape of Gloria Anzaldua’s early writing. What was accessible to her at the time of Borderlands/La Frontera’s development. How did colonial/Spanish racism and prejudice, Mexico’s denial of Black/African communities in its country, and increasing reclamations of indigeneity affect what was written and published?
Looking at how language is employed within dialogue, especially within unexpected texts. How does it define character and reveal more about what’s important within the story. I will also look at the creation of “ghost words”, meditative ways of using language, incorporating/insisting on multiple languages and registers. And finally, to the history of language – its origins and how those early definitions/understandings inform modern use. Language inheritance, word origins and histories, the use of language to colonize or the effect of colonization on language and its sometimes change in use to subvert.
I want to delve into hybrid texts and how the definition of hybrid literature has changed, especially within the last two decades, most instrumentally because of BIPOC and people of color writings’ influence.
I am also interested in looking deeply at poetry critique for my personal understanding, incorporating both recognized tools toward critiquing work and new methods meant to increase understanding and buy-in for readers who are new to specific genres.
And, of course, I am still obsessive about ways to define desire and a reconsideration of the erotic, not just in the idea of women as object but as others’ bodies used as a kind of currency or meaning that isn’t intended by the person who holds that body. Plus, the sense of desire as an internal mechanism necessary for creation.
I chanced upon a review by Saskia Vogel of Lisa Taddeo’s book Three Women. The title of the article, “Why Report on Desire?”, caught my attention. At first I thought the book was fiction, following three women as they work toward their desire and the ramifications of their choices. But Taddeo did eight years of research for this nonfiction work.
As a side I should say I have been working toward writing about desire but the work sputters and I am faced with considerable struggle. Still I try. I’m glad I found this article. Vogel, the reviewer, stated they were trying for writing around desire too but gave up because she kept returning to why. After some time away from it she realized that we don’t need a reason why for desire. She says “I now think the question is not important. We desire. It doesn’t really matter why. It’s not with the “why,” but with our desires that we must contend in our everyday.” The why becomes the critic or the patriarchal voice we have swallowed who insists they can determine our worth.
I love the ruthless insistence of desire. It is about the inner drive to create. To follow through on that thing that cannot be put to sleep. Vogel says “We are all capable of throwing everything away in a moment, if the desire is strong enough.” Within classes, community or in friend groups, every writer gets hit with the question of why we write. Maybe, instead of asking why we need to understand the writer wouldn’t be in that particular space at all unless writing already had its fingers in our hair. Maybe, instead we need to ask what we are obsessed about, what is so very important to us, what attracts us and keeps us writing.
Forget why you write. Forget about that list of promises. What do you need to write about? What is calling at you from far away in its outside voice, waving desperately for your attention?