a respite to the luxurious, the gorgeous, the wildness

on fully reveling in the time between semesters

I have a very clear addiction to movies. Yet I deny myself watching many of them because I am not the kind who can go through papers or organize my notes while also watching a move. I become engrossed by a film and can do nothing else but sit - often, my mouth agape - and let the story wash over me. I become obsessed, all-feeling. I fall into the emotional landscape unfurling on the screen. A movie soundtrack can take me out on a spin of music for hours. I want to eat up reviews, writer comments, screen stills, consider the metaphor through costume design, and the layouts of landscapes and scenes as their own character. Emilia Pérez, Rita, and All of Us Strangers were the films that most captivated me.

In Emilia Pérez I could see myself in the story, in the characters - its borders were fluid. I could and hope to write in this way, to experience parts of life in the ways that the actors do, and to recognize the emotion and motivations behind choices. It’s been panned in some spaces but, because I love opera, I instantly recognized its form: the dramatic expressions, the quick storyline. Most opera is divided into acts that center the heart of the story, leaving the overview description to fill in the details, or for the audience to presume the story. I think those who didn’t like the movie may have a traditional expectation of how stories must be told. Reading non-Western based literature and/or a love a telenovelas aid in understanding this unique storyline. More than that, the audience has to give in to the very real talent of its actors, and to the cinematography. I am in love with Karla Sofía Gascón. I’m just going to put that out into the universe. My love for her even started a new short story in me that I think she could play the lead in… if it becomes a movie, of course.

On playing two aspects of a character in the film:

To be more clear, the experience of the polarities that divide us, that should not divide us, from the masculine and the feminine, a little bit of good and evil, and of violence and love. It's a beautiful game to be able to enter something so deep and so well-constructed.

- Karla Sofía Gascón

All of Us Strangers had me at Andrew Scott, the hot priest from the series Fleabag. As an actor, Scott made the film look like a deeply personal retelling and the fantastical within it was a vehicle toward healing. Finally, Rita, directed by Jayro Bustamante, is a dark fantasy retelling a true story from Guatemala around a children’s shelter for girls. The wildness of the young girls is rarely shown in art but it’s vicious, gorgeous, and freeing. Couple that with the surrounding natural world and the esoteric elements, it feels like a Latin American rendition of Lord of the Flies. (By the way, Bustamante’s La Llorona movie is a must-see.)

Now that I’m between semesters I give in to not just movies but other luxurious artistic expressions and rest as a primary state of being (i.e. I am reveling in sleep and naps). I did go visit my family in San Antonio but returned to Lubbock before Christmas. In the days after my return I slept a whole lot, or just camped out in my bed with a book or two and the pillows and comforters piled high. Whenever I do this kind of relaxing I think of it as a recalibration, and I think of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, who speaks of doing revolutionary work even if we are in bed. I think too of the Nap Ministry, which asks us to connect mind and body in resistence to capitalist inclinations toward production. I’ve been having trouble writing poetry lately so these luxuries return me to myself and what I value. It allows me to claim new luxuries. In this case, something in my mind has opened up new ideas for my drafts of incredibly patient short stories.

I’ve also returned to my private research, surprising myself with some discoveries, including a performance of L’Uomo Femina by Galuppi last month in Versailles, which was originally performed in Italy in 1762 and recently uncovered by French conductor Vincent Dumestre. In the piece, two men are shipwrecked and end up on an island where women rule and men beautify themselves with fine clothing and make up to be more appealing to the women. The idea of switched characteristics for the genders at opposite sides of the spectrum is intriguing. I, of course, love that beauty is still valued no matter where someone sits on the spectrum. It reminds me of Chappell Roan, whose drag costuming and queer aesthetic challenges expectations of what it is to be a woman, to be femme, to find truth in costuming. In a sense unmooring femininity from biological woman. And I’m also reminded of Jordan W. Pitts, the NYC/French drag performer who sings opera (there are several!), who sang a signature piece from the opera Pagliacci and whose on-stage performance of the song became a critique of mainstream culture’s consumption of queer art and its continued expectation for queers (and other outsiders) to stay relegated to caricature. Take a look at that gorgeous performance. Slay.

I’m also reading for pleasure. Recent works I hope you’ll consider that have been sleeping in bed with me are: Bad Girls by Camila Sosa Villada (Las Malas, translated from the Spanish), A Map of My Want by Faylita Hicks, Opacities: On Writing and the Writing Life by Sofia Samatar. I also just picked up JD Pluecker’s newest, The Every Wild, through small press beauty Mouthfeel Press. I’m looking forward to diving into it over the weekend.

And finally, the weather is cooling here in West Texas. The sun takes its time to leave each evening and the cold comes in soft like velvet. Which means, after years in a hot climate I have pulled out my cardigans and sweaters and am looking at small ways to incorporate ribbon, charms, new shiny buttons, or iron on appliques. A girl deserves to stay cute while she is sewing and sipping on Mexican hot chocolate.

This is probably the longest substack post I’ve ever written! It feels like an end of the year message but that’s not necessarily my intention. It just so happens the academic life lets me return to my small loves of luxury, gorgeousness, and wildness during the close of the year. Serendipity.

I hope you are also granting yourself some pleasures. I don’t usually have this platform as an interactive space but I’d love to hear what you are doing that is just for you. What gifts are you giving to yourself? Send me a notita, preciosx. Y dale un abrazo fuerte al nuevo año, que te traiga esperanza, amor, prosperidad, salud, y libertad (pa’ Palestina y todos los demás).